Since you are on internet dating sites and apps, you may just be looking for a friend or a hook up, but are probably hoping to meet someone to date and love. For people over 40, they are usually looking for a life partner and are serious in their search. Why else would you spend hours each week on dating sites, texts, phone calls and dates?

If you want to find love, it won’t happen while you are sitting alone at home. No one will knock on your door, say they heard you were single, and ask if you would like to meet and fall in love. Creating a vision board, making space in your home and closet for a partner to live with you, practicing loving-kindness meditations, writing a list of qualities you want in a partner, and any number of other exercises may evoke positive feelings and give you clarity about the partner you desire… but these things won’t introduce you to another person. You will have hundreds or even thousands of single people  to view on dating sites and apps, and you want to connect with those who interest you for whatever reason. If the interest is mutual, then text, talk, and meet. You have to spend time face-to-face with another person to know if you truly connect.

Our daily lives are busy and full of demands, deadlines and stress. You rarely hear someone say they feel relaxed and have lots of time to do the things they enjoy.  The truth is, most of our free time away from work is spent exercising, on our devices, and in front of TV’s. There are so many great shows, movies and series to watch and fill our free time. It’s easy and lazy to chat on line or text. But taking the time to schedule a time to meet, putting effort into how you look and dressing well, and showing up with your open and fun self will be required if you want to find love.  You have to be present physically and emotionally with the person in front of you and give them your time and attention. Ask questions, listen, breathe, relax and get to know each other. If you meet for coffee, tea, a drink or a walk, go somewhere nice with a low noise level so you can talk comfortably. Flirt and  have fun. Dating is supposed to be fun, isn’t it?

Take the time and make the effort to meet in person,  and take risks to talk about your life, your interests and your passions.  Learn about the person in front of you. If you have a good time, plan to get together again and see if you have another good time. Relationships are built on friendships, and friendships are built on spending time together and connecting. Do you really know if you have the elusive “chemistry” when you have just met someone and are sitting across from them? You’ve barely spoken and haven’t even kissed yet. Be realistic and give the person in front of you a chance to show up and expose the layers of how they live and love. Your best and most authentic self won’t show up within the first few minutes of meeting, so slow down and let the human connection unfold.